Load Cartridge: A collection of MGLN oneshots
by OZ7UP
Summary: A series of MGLN-related shorts and crack!fics. Stories are mostly light-hearted and humorous in nature, so feel free to drop by if you're feeling down. Anon reviews enabled, but think things through before you review. See Nanoha do a barrel roll!
1. Top Gear opening segment parody

**Introductory A/N: As of now, my current MGLN/Pride & Prejudice cross-over is on indefinite hiatus, due to the sheer intensity of continuously re-reading the novel. As such, I've decided to try my hand at writing a collection of MGLN shorts, ranging from one-shots to crack!fics, as well as snippets that are loosely based on what I will be putting up on my LiveJournal account.**

**As for pairings, I will be focusing on the lesser (both major and minor) characters, which means I won't be writing much NanoFate, unless the scenario calls for it. If I do write something that pairs Yuuno with either Nanoha, Fate, or the both of them, I will put a warning for Yuuno-haters to **_**not**_** read the chapter so that I can avoid flame wars. Remember, it takes a troll to know a troll.**

**Anyway, the disclaimer for this chapter - I do not own the MGLN franchise; 7Arcs does. I do not own the Top Gear franchise as well - the BBC does.**

* * *

It was a nice summer evening at the Dunsfold Aerodome, located in Surrey, England. The venue, which had been converted into a racing track for a particularly well-known motoring television program, never looked as spectacular as it currently was, lending a sense of tranquility to the former air base.

All that would change in a few minutes. Of course, the audience who were attending the filming of this particular episode of BBC's Top Gear had no idea of what the producers of the show had in mind. Some people did point out that something was amiss upon noticing that the cars belonging to the usual presenters, Jeremy "POWER" Clarkson, Richard "Hamster" Hammond, and James "Captain Slow" May, were not present, while others would claim that the trio were planning on making their entrance in a crazy manner involving some sort of hand-made transportation as part of a "How Hard Can It Be" challenge.

It could have been worse. Nay, it was much worse than that.

The audience, consisting mostly of young, attractive British ladies for an unknown reason, became quiet as the lights in the hangar-cum-studio dimmed. A few minutes passed before the hanging television flat screens started playing a montage of video clips featuring exotic supercars, with the famous Allman Brothers song, "Jessica" playing in the background.

"Tonight, on BBC's Top Gear," a female voice suddenly announced, "we get to admire plenty of curves, we get to blow things up, and someone gets groped on national TV!" As this was said, the television screens showed footage of a young woman with naturally blue hair taking a shower, a weapon discharging what appeared to be an ammunition shell, and an attractive redhead getting out of a low-riding sports car, completely unaware of a young Japanese brunette sneaking up behind her. The studio lights came back on again as the theme song ended, prompting three young ladies to step forward from the audience into the spotlight. The leader of the trio, who happened to be the same Japanese woman in the clip with the redhead, had a lecherous grin on her face while her companions, the redhead and a pink-haired woman, stood around with neutral expressions on their faces.

"Hello everyone," the Japanese woman proclaimed without a hint of her birth accent in her voice, "and welcome to a very, very special edition of Top Gear. My name is Hayate Yagami, the lovely redhead is Vita, and the gorgeous pink-haired lady is Signum." The brunette waited several seconds for the polite applause to die down. "In case you were wondering where Jeremy, Richard, and James are, the BBC has decided that in addition to treating exotic cars and exotic locations as the good kind of pornography, it will also be offering, for one episode only, something for you to actually fantasize about."

"Hayate," Vita called out, "do we really have to do this? And did you really have to forcefully age my physical body?"

"There, there, Vita," Hayate walked over to the redhead, "you know that this is part of our community service punishment for starting up that enjoyable mass orgy back in Sagev, right? Besides…" The brunette took the opportunity to gently grope Vita from behind. "While age is not a factor for my favorite pastime, when it comes to doing this on national television, I'd rather do this to someone who looks legal, and not someone who looks younger than ten."

"Mou! Hayate!"

"Last, but not least," Hayate purred, "you don't see me AND the audience complaining, right?"

"Mistre… I mean, Hayate," Signum spoke out, feeling nervous around a group of newly-converted fan-girls, "I would like to make a complaint…"

"Anyway," Hayate interrupted, "we have received one letter complaining about how most people tend to jump to the conclusion that one particular Subaru Nakajima is so blatantly gay to the point where rainbows are considered to be straighter than her. Now, as to why someone would write a letter regarding a Mid-Childan to an earthen media broadcasting corporation, I have absolutely no idea." Seeing Vita and Signum shaking their heads to indicate the shared sentiment, the brunette shrugged. "The letter has also gone on to state that Subaru is definitely not a lesbian, and is just overly affectionate towards her close female friend."

"In case you were wondering," Vita took over, "we do happen to know the writer's identity. I won't be giving you a name, given that you have absolutely no idea who we are talking about, but I can say that she is THE close female friend, and that she is in denial about her own feelings towards Ms Nakajima. Hayate, you should perform the test."

Pulling a photograph of a young blue-haired woman from her cleavage, Hayate walked over to where a group of highly-attractive girls were standing. "Alright, ladies, be honest with me, do you think that the girl in this picture, Subaru Nakajima, has the "LOOK AT ME, I'M A LESBIAN" vibe?"

"I'd say it's pretty obvious," one of the girls muttered with a blush on her face, "isn't it so, luv?"

"Would you make out with her, even if there were no incentives for you to do so?" To say that Hayate was not exactly the most subtle person in the world was an understatement.

The blush was even more obvious on the girl's face. "Oh, not just that – I would totally make sweet, sweet love to her, with Kenny G's 'Songbird' playing in the background."

"Well then," Hayate purred as she placed a hand around the girl's shoulder before leading her away, "I do have plenty to teach you, and it's pretty fortunate that I happen to have Kenny G's 'Songbird' on a cassette tape in my possession."

As the two walked off, Signum cleared her throat. "Right, before we get thrown off the air for completely derailing Top Gear, I would like to get things back on track. In response to the letter, I persuaded the producers of the show to allow us to carry out our own challenge, instead of what was originally written for the actual presenters. We were each given five thousand Sterling Pounds to buy a second-hand car that we feel would best remind us of Subaru Nakajima. We would then put these cars through a series of challenges, and will give the winning car to Ms Nakajima's friend as a way to challenge her denial. This was what transpired."

Vita face-palmed. "I'm not going to ask who gave you the idea for that challenge, which I still think is nonsensical," the redhead muttered before the footage could be shown, "but I am pretty curious as to who you persuaded the producers to allow us to carry it out."

"Well…" Signum had a smug look on her face as the TV screens flickered to life, showing footage of the pink-haired woman using Laevatein, in its Snake Form, to blow up the cars belonging to the producers of the show.

* * *

**More A/N: The actual version on my LiveJournal account is in a script format. For those of you who are wondering, Hayate is the equivalent of Jeremy Clarkson, teenage!Vita is standing in for Richard Hammond, which means Signum is left with the role of being James May. If I were to actually continue this here, you can figure out who the Stig would be portrayed by.**

**There are a couple of shout-outs to Satashi and Grand_Phoenix in this one-shot. Brownie points for those who can point them out. **

**As for what will be coming up next, you can expect some sort of MGLN/Archie cross-over featuring Wendi and Nove attempting to rehabilitate Sette, a crack!short featuring Harry Potter becoming the Master of the Book of Darkness, a short featuring Signum singing her heart out to Shamal, and quite a few others as well. If there's something you would like to see, drop a review. Just don't ask me to write a Yuuno hate!fic or anything that involves killing him off - the requester WILL be humiliated in the most degrading way I can think of in a future short.**

* * *

_**Omake:**_

Hayate: Some say that he is the love-child of an unholy union between Bardiche and Strada, the details of which I don't know and don't ever want to know, and that he was the one responsible for originally corrupting the Tome Of The Night Sky into the Book Of Darkness. All we know is that...

OZ7UP: (hands over a piece of paper to Hayate)

Hayate: (reading the piece of paper) Well, apparently, The Stig is now on a sabbatical so that he can find out his true origins, so it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, the one, the only, The Stig's Mid-Childan Cousin!


	2. Like The Angel

**Introductory A/N: This small one-shot was originally written as a response to prove to DKN117 over at the AnimeSuki forums that it was possible to expand an idea into a ficlet on the fly. It's pretty much based on one of the ideas that he kept throwing at the Nanoha Fanfiction Thread regulars, which involved various members of the MGLN cast being in a band.**

**Anyway, this ficlet contains some Signum/Shamal fluff, and you may notice that Signum is somewhat out of character in it. The lyrics are from "Like The Angel" by the band Rise Against.  
**

* * *

"Testarossa, I just cannot do this." Signum was standing in the middle of a small make-shift rehearsal room with a microphone in her hand. Both Fate and Nanoha were standing nearby with their guitars, while Zafira, with his Fender Precision Bass, was watching alongside Vita, who was grumbling about how hard it was to find a drum kit for someone her size.

"Don't give up now, Signum," Fate attempted to calm the pink-haired knight, "it's pretty hard to shrug off the fear of the magnitude of what you are about to do, but remember, you wanted this."

"Besides," Nanoha added, "the Riot Force Six talent show is the best opportunity to express your feelings, so why give up now? After all, you have faced much worse things in your previous existences."

Signum sighed. "Very well, Takamachi. Zafira, Vita, let's do this from the top."

* * *

The talent show had turned out to be a pretty huge success. As the stage crew were moving the amplifiers and the drum kit onto the stage, people were busy discussing the acts they felt worthy of winning the show. While there was no doubt that everyone had enjoyed a rousing performance of "YMCA" from Chrono, Yuuno, Vice, Griffith, and Verossa, the comedy act that Teana and Subaru put on had proved itself as a dark horse. It was noted that the crowd was evenly split as to whether Subaru was deliberately being stupid or not, though.

The lights dimmed as Signum, Fate, Nanoha, Zafira, and Vita walked onto the stage.

* * *

"I don't know about this, Hayate," Shamal stammered as the Mistress of the Tome of the Night Sky dragged her towards the hall where the talent show was being held. "I mean, what if someone needs medical attention?"

"Oh, don't worry, Shamal," the brunette replied cheerfully, "you should know that I gave everyone a day off just for today. Just get in there, sit back, and have some fun!"

As the two entered the hall, Hayate could barely suppress a grin. _Oh yeah, Operation Shagnum's a go-go!_

* * *

As soon as she saw Shamal walk in, Signum raised her microphone and nodded at the band. At once, the Guardian Beast started playing a bass melody that ascended on two strings before descending, and left the last chord to hang for a few seconds. A few hits of the hi-hat later, the guitars crashed in.

_They turn the lights down low,__  
__In shadows hiding from the world,__  
__Only coming out when it gets cold._

_The seas part when they hit the floor,__  
__The voices carry on and out the door,__  
__And everything you touch turns into gold._

_Like the angel you are, you laugh, creating__  
__A lightness in my chest,__  
__Your eyes - they penetrate me,__  
__(Your answer's always "maybe")__  
__That's when I got up and left._

To say that Shamal was pleasantly surprised was an understatement. While it was true that the Knight of The Lake had seen and felt many things she would never want to recall, she also had her fair share of pleasant memories, but what was transpiring in front of her very own eyes would forever be her most treasured memory. In addition to looking surprisingly ravishing in a simple black t-shirt and torn jeans combination, Signum was singing beautifully, pouring out her emotions in every single word. Turning around to ask Hayate if she had a hand in organizing this, Shamal was greeted with a combination of a smile and a smirk on the brunette's face, and a hand-motion to look at the stage.

As Fate started playing the first half of the guitar solo, Signum got off the stage and made a dash to where Shamal was standing. Without giving Shamal any time to react at all, the Blaze Commander pressed her lips over the blonde's, claiming them with a strong hunger. When the Knight of The Lake started kissing back, Signum reluctantly broke off the kiss as Nanoha's half of the guitar solo drew to an end.

_And each and every day will lead into tomorrow,__  
__Tomorrow brings one less day without you.__  
__But don't wait up, just leave the light on,__  
__'coz all the roads that I might take__  
__Will all one day lead back to you._

_And like the angel you are, you laugh, creating__  
__A lightness in my chest,__  
__Your eyes - they penetrate me__  
__(You never cease to amaze me)__  
__That's when I got up and left._

It was Shamal who started the kiss as soon as the song ended. As the two broke apart for air, ignoring the looks on the faces of the audience, the blonde could not help but giggle. "So, that's why you've been ignoring me recently."

"Being a knight, I was not sure on how to act on my feelings when they first started to develop. Could you forgive me for the suddenness of all this?"

"Don't be silly, Signum. As far as I can remember, you claimed this angel's heart a long time ago." The two kissed again, ignoring all the "D'awwwwwwwwwww"s that were coming from the audience and the grins on Hayate and the band's faces.

* * *

**More A/N: Yep, just another piece of silly yet heart-touching fluff from yours truly.**

It's really irritating to keep formatting and re-uploading a particular chapter here on ... Not as bad as LiveJournal, though. 


	3. Untitled Signum ficlet 01

**_Introductory A/N:_ This one is for Hignum, who requested a ficlet that ships Signum with a male character. While Signum doesn't end up in a relationship at the end of it, I have left it open so that if I ever do pick up on this again, she is in a good position to find herself in one. As for Honulicious' request, I regret to say that due to the (over-) abundance of NanoFate stories on FF(dot)net, writing NanoFate is not exactly on the top of my things to do. That said, I do have a couple of ideas for such a pairing, and I'll definitely put pen to paper (more like, fingers to keyboard) as soon as I've cleared out my non-NanoFate ideas.**

****

Yes, I admit it, I've pinched the opening segment from my "It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged" story.

This story takes place about eight years after StrikerS (approximately a year or two after "Force").

**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own MGLN - 7Arcs does. The OC Nathan is based on one of my real life friends, who happens to play guitar in a band that I'm putting together.**

* * *

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Likewise, in today's modern world, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of a good fortune must also be in want of a husband, a wife in a case or two, or a wife AND a husband in a really rare case.

Of course, most people, regardless of their financial status, do eventually feel the need to look for a spouse, and Signum was not an exception to this rule. In the case of the pink-haired leader of the Wolkenritter, though, it took a while for the rule to kick in.

* * *

Signum stood in the middle of the training grounds with a proud look on her face. The Blaze Commander had just finished putting her current batch of recruits from the TSAB Ground Forces through a rigorous training session which ended with a many-versus-one mock battle. While the recruits ultimately fell short of besting her due to fatigue that had snuck up upon them as the battle dragged on, Signum was impressed with the progress they had made, considering that they had only enlisted three weeks ago.

Of course, ever since the fiasco that was known as the Jail Scaglietti Incident, the Ground Forces were eager to redeem themselves and restore their prestige, something that was not lost on the new recruits.

"That's all for today," Signum announced, "I am impressed by your efforts against me in the mock battle that we just had – I have never had Laevatein, in its Snake Form, used against me in the creative way that you showed." Seeing the tired yet genuinely-happy grins on the recruits' faces, the knight could not help but smile along with them. "Now, I am aware that today happens to be Valentine's Day, so I am going to give you the rest of the day off so that you can spend some quality time with your significant others."

"What about you, ma'am," one of the recruits called out, "do you have anyone to spend today with?"

"If I had someone to spend the day with, Oz," Signum chuckled, "the rest of you would have known by now. I'll be spending the rest of the morning working on reports on today's training session and doing paperwork to officially excuse all of you for the rest of the day. Now, be sure to run a few laps to cool down before hitting the showers, alright?"

Watching the recruits jog off into the distance, Signum deactivated her Knight Armor as Laevatein reverted back into its standby pendant mode before heading off to her office. As the knight enjoyed the cool breeze in the air during her short trip, a communication screen suddenly flashed into existence.

"Hey there, Signum!" There was no mistaking the enthusiasm in Hayate Yagami's voice. "How's everything going at your new posting? Hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Ah, Mistress," Signum replied warmly, "what a pleasant surprise to hear from you. Everything is fine here and, no, I have just finished a training session with the latest batch of recruits. How have you been, my Mistress?"

"Mou, Signum, you know that you don't need to call me by that term anymore, right?" Hayate sighed in mock exasperation. "Anyway, you'll never guess what happened last night!"

"Oh?"

"Remember the guy that I met just after I officially left the Administration Bureau?" Seeing Signum nod after a few seconds, the Japanese brunette went on. "Well, last night, Raiser treated me to a posh dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants in the city, and…" Hayate was gasping for air in excitement at this point.

"Relax, Hayate. Take a deep breath, calm down, and collect your thoughts."

"HEPROPOSEDTOME!" Hayate was gushing at this point. "After the wonderful dinner, the lights dimmed, several violinists started playing something romantic, and Raiser simply got down onto his knee, presenting me with the most beautiful diamond engagement ring I've ever seen!"

"I see. You said 'yes', I presume? From what you have told me, Raiser is a good person and, to be blunt, he is worth keeping."

"Worth keeping for the wild monkey sex? Oh, definitely!" Hayate was chuckling at Signum's reaction. "That said, though, yeah, I do love him a lot. I was lost when I decided to quit the Bureau after burning myself out, and Raiser stepped in to give me another sense of direction. From there, something just sparked between us, and we've never looked back ever since then."

"Well then, I'm happy for you, Hayate. I suppose this is probably the best Valentine's Day gift you could ever receive." The knight was genuinely happy for the brunette, despite lacking her own personal love life. "When will the wedding be?"

"We have not decided yet, but there is one thing I would like to request for."

"Oh?"

"Signum, you have always been there for me, ever since when I accidentally activated the Book of Darkness. You've done so much to protect me, even risking your own life just to do so. I… I was wondering if you could be my maid-of-honor."

"It would be a pleasure to be your maid-of-honor, Hayate," the Blaze Commander replied without hesitation. "Thank you for asking me."

The conversation continued for a few more minutes until Signum had reached her office, by which time Hayate had signed off to have, in her own words, "a lot of wild monkey sex" with her fiancé. As she started working on her reports, the knight started reflecting.

_It has been over eight years since Riot Force Six officially disbanded. Mistress… No, Hayate Yagami has finally grown into a beautiful young woman, and has managed to fall in love with a good man who, without doubt, will give a new meaning to her life. Both Testarossa and That Thing… I was not surprised when they finally married each other. Enforcer Lanster and Subaru Nakajima are both together as well. Zafira has been spending a lot of time with Arf, and as for Shamal… Even Hayate was surprised to see her go steady with Yuuno Scrya and That Thing's older sister._

Realizing that she had finished her paperwork as though she was in an autopilot state, Signum decided to head off for an early lunch. _Vita aside for obvious reasons, I'm the only one in our core group to not be in a relationship. As much as I should feel happy for everyone, there's something in me that yearns for what they have. At the same time… I also feel jealous of Shamal and Zafira for being able to throw off the memories of what we had to go through in the past. If only I could set myself free from the chains of those memories._

* * *

"… And that was the latest single from the up-and-coming band, Fon Filia!" The radio was on as Signum was busy at her apartment working on a new training regime for her recruits. "They will be launching their debut album, 'Welcome to Alavon', at The Shiny Sword, one of the hippest clubs in Cranagan City tonight. The club will also be hosting a singles party, so if you are currently single, dress up and come on down to see if you can find that special someone on the Day of Love!"

Signum chuckled as she heard the last portion of the DJ's announcement. Hayate had dragged the knight down to a couple of singles parties during their last trip to Earth, and the Blaze Commander was amused by all the obviously-single men (read: ugly) attempting to hit on her. Closing her eyes upon finishing her paperwork, Signum smiled at the memory of being hit on by a self-proclaimed 'Major' Mike Powell, who claimed that the only thing more beautiful than her would be the sight of dead ferrets – the so-called 'Major' never fully recovered from the bashing he received in return.

_Well,_ the knight thought to herself as she changed into a pair of jeans that placed plenty of emphasis on her legs, a pink halter top, and a white jacket, _I might as well as check out what the scene is like in Cranagan._ Satisfied with her appearance, Signum put on a pair of heeled boots to complete her outfit before leaving her apartment. _Besides, even if I can't find anyone who suits my fancy, at least I can still get myself a copy of Fon Filia's debut album. They do have several catchy songs, after all…_

* * *

Dancing to the beat of the in-house music at The Shiny Sword several hours later, Signum was able to conclude that Mid-Childan men were much better-looking than their earthen counterparts. _It's a pity that their behavior is still mostly the same, though,_ the pink-haired knight thought to herself as she found herself dancing with both a man and a woman, both of whom were in a dance-off for her affections. Blushing slightly with embarrassment as her stomach growled softly with hunger, she excused herself from the duo and made her way to the exit, giving the bouncer, Satashi, a tip on her way out. _Well, at least I was able to work up a bit of an appetite,_ Signum thought to herself as she walked down the street, _but it is a pity that the band already ran out of copies of their album._

"Excuse me, miss!" The Blaze Commander turned around to see a man running towards her. "You dropped your coin purse back at the entrance of the club."

"Ah, thank you," Signum replied calmly as she received her purse, "I suppose I was too caught up wondering what I was have for dinner to notice that something was amiss." Looking at the man, the Wolkenritter leader jumped back in surprise. "Say, aren't you the lead guitarist for Fon Filia?"

"Yeah, that would be me." The man took a few seconds to catch his breath before holding out his hand. "I'm Nathan, and it's a pleasure to meet you, despite the circumstances, miss?"

"It's Signum, and it's nice to meet you, Nathan. I really enjoyed your music but, unfortunately, I was unable to get a copy of your band's debut album."

"I do have several spare copies in my car. Would you like to follow me there?"

"Well, well, well, Nathan," Signum giggled in response as she followed the guitarist, "are you flirting with me?"

"It's not like there's any harm in it, right?" Nathan shrugged as the two walked towards his car. "Besides, the rest of the band all have dates for tonight and, since I'm not into the whole clubbing scene, there really isn't much for me to do anyway with my free time."

The short walk was relatively uneventful, save for the occasional conversation about random topics. As they strolled down the main street of the shopping district they were at, Signum could not help but notice that Nathan, despite looking fairly unassuming in a handsome way, had an air of quiet confidence around him, giving the impression that he was in peace with the world around him. The silence between the two was soon broken, unfortunately, when the knight's stomach started growling again.

"Don't worry too much about that," Nathan started chuckling, "I haven't had dinner myself." When the two reached the car, the guitarist moved to open the passenger's door for the pink-haired knight. "I hope that you are not thinking any negative things about me, but I do know a good restaurant that is about ten minutes from here, and I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner."

_My goodness, _Signum thought to herself, _so he's pretty good-looking, he's seems to be the thoughtful kind, and he's polite as well. I am unable to detect any ill will coming from him, and he did go through the trouble of walking with me towards his car just so that I can get a copy of his band's debut album._ Looking up into Nathan's eyes, the knight blushed slightly as she smiled at the guitarist before getting into the car.

"That would be lovely."

* * *

**_More A/N:_ Plenty of shout-outs to the Nanoha FFT in here. 00-Raiser/F91, if you're reading this, I hope you enjoyed me putting you into a relationship with Hayate. As for who's in a relationship with who, here's a list: Nanoha/Fate (married), Subaru/Teana, Hayate/Raiser (OC) (engaged), Zafira/Arf, Yuuno/Shamal/Miyuki. As for Signum, like I said earlier, I have left the ending open so that I can continue on with it another time when my muse for this one returns to me in the future.**

**Looking back at my story stats, I'm pretty surprised that BPHaru has actually added "NanoFate Plus Yuuno Equals What?" to his/her 'favorite stories' list. Given that I did pretty much bash all the NanoFate purists in that ficlet, well... Actually, I'd rather not know why.**


	4. She Is Beautiful

**_Introductory A/N:_ This was one of my earlier fics that I posted at the Nanoha FFT over at AnimeSuki, and it's pretty much a songfic that is based on Andrew W.K.'s "She Is Beautiful". If you don't know who that person is, I don't blame you - he's a pretty obscure musician, but he does write pretty good party/frat-rock songs.**

****

As for the pairing, it's pretty much a one-sided shoujo-ai pairing that is open to interpretation. Well, more like, there are two possibilities for the person who is crushing. As for the other person, use your own imagination.

To make sense of what is going on over here, be sure to look up the music video for Andrew W.K.'s "She Is Beautiful". That said, the pace of the song is based on the Children Of Bodom cover version.

**_Disclaimer:_ I don't own the MGLN franchise - 7Arcs does. As for the song, well, if only I had taken up the guitar much earlier...**

* * *

Night had fallen over the TSAB Riot Force 6 military complex. A blue-eyed brunette was sitting behind the desk in her work area, finishing up the day's paperwork. As it started to get closer and closer to midnight, the brunette tried to hold back a yawn unsuccessfully before placing her head down on the desk to rest.

"I think I'll just call it a day now. I'll take a quick nap before heading back to my room…"

That was when it started.

It started with a single electric guitar playing a solo-esque riff on the D-string, complete with a couple of slides here and there to make it sound complex. However, it was what came a split second after the end of that mini guitar solo that made things a lot more interesting.

The moment the solo ended, midnight struck, and the brunette's eyes suddenly opened as a high D note started playing over and over before launching into a partially palm-muted riff. As this was happening, the brunette started up the room's audio system. She had no idea what was going on or why she was even doing this – she simply felt the urge to plug an Earth microphone with an unusually long cable lead into the system. Satisfied with the connection, the brunette made her way towards the door, microphone in hand.

The moment the brunette was out of her work area, hell froze over.

_I never knew girls existed like you._  
_But now that I do, I'd really like to get to know you._

While this was happening, the lights in the hallway suddenly turned on. A holographic display opened up, showing a clip of the brunette playing away on an electric guitar. Various other displays were also up and running, showing the brunette playing various other instruments, including a bass guitar, a drum kit, and a piano. Taking no notice of what was going on around her, our heroine continued to prowl through the quiet hallways as she sang into her microphone.

_The girl's too young, she don't need any better,  
It's all coming back, I can feel it.  
The girl's too young, she don't know any better,  
It's all coming back, I can feel it._

_She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
She is beautiful, she is beautiful,  
The girl is beautiful._

Finding herself in front of an elevator, the brunette decided to take the stairs to the ground floor instead. As it was just slightly past midnight, there wouldn't be anyone around who would help out in case the lift was stuck between floors. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, the Ace felt that she should stop by the cafeteria to pick up a late night snack, given that she had skipped dinner to work on her paperwork. Grinning at the thought of having something inside her stomach, the girl started to make her way through the main foyer.

_You're giving me rules and hints from all sides  
And when you hit my back, you melt my eyes_

_The girl's too young, she don't need any better,  
It's all coming back, I can feel it.  
The girl's too young, she don't know any better,  
It's all coming back I can feel it._

Entering the kitchen, the brunette tucked the microphone into her skirt. Raising her voice slightly to make up for the increased distance from the microphone, the blue-eyed Ace proceeded to raid the fridge for a few bananas, some fruit juice, and milk, before placing everything inside a blender.

_And though I never know you, I look at your face,  
To tell you that I love you, don't know what to say,  
Give everything I got to the beautiful girl,  
The only thing I wish for in the whole wide world._

Chugging down the entire mixture in a split second, the brunette turned and left for the exit. She failed to notice two things: she had failed to notice that the microphone lead was tangled with the blender, thus causing a huge mess as she left, and that she had walked past the foyer into another wing of the base due to her being so engrossed with singing.

_She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
She is beautiful, she is beautiful,  
The girl is beautiful._

Lights suddenly lit up the entire hallway of this particular wing, and more holographic displays started up, creating a band consisting of many copies of the brunette playing various instruments. Being completely oblivious to her background, the Ace started belting out words with a strong emotion fueling her. To this date, nobody knows whether said emotion was love or lust.

_I ain't got nothing to lose!  
(Nothing to lose.)  
Going to throw it away, and talk to you!  
(She looks good.)  
She looks good!  
(And it's true.)  
And it's true!  
The girl is beautiful – she is beautiful!_

__

I ain't got nothing to lose!  
(Nothing to lose.)  
When I'm living one time, and I want you!  
(She looks good.)  
She looks good!  
(And it's true.)  
And it's true!  
The girl is beautiful – she is beautiful!

Pausing to catch her breath, the brunette noticed that she was not where she wanted to be, which was just outside the foyer. As she dashed back towards the foyer, the Ace accidentally triggered a security system that would lock any intruders within a section of the hallway. Picking up speed, our heroine performed a baseball slide through the closing doors and back into the foyer. Not caring about the now active alarm, she felt around for her microphone and, upon having it back in her hand, proceeded towards the exit.

_She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
Na na na na na na na na  
She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
Na na na na na na na na  
She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
Na na na na na na na na  
She is beautiful, she is beautiful.  
Na na na na na na na na_

Upon leaving the complex, the Ace started dashing towards the residential compound, making her way to the part of the building where her crush was currently staying. All common sense be damned, the girl was on a mission to the world know that she was crushing terribly.

_I ain't got nothing to lose!  
(Nothing to lose.)  
Going to throw it away, and talk to you!  
(She looks good.)  
She looks good!  
(And it's true.)  
And it's true!  
The girl is beautiful, she is beautiful!_

_I ain't got nothing to lose!  
(Nothing to lose.)  
And I'll never forget when I saw you!  
(She looks good.)  
She looks good!  
(And it's true.)  
And it's true!  
The girl is beautiful, she is -_

"OY! Some of us are trying to sleep here! What's the big deal with singing out loud in the open!"

The brunette looked up suddenly. What the heck was she doing out here anyway? She remembered hearing a guitar riff back in her workplace, but she couldn't find it in her to explain the situation.

"Oops?"

* * *

**_More A/N:_ Right, it's time for me to take a look at some of the recent reviews.**

****

F91/00-Raiser: You're welcome. As for the whole "wild monkey sex" thing, let's just say that while your character brought a sense of direction into Hayate's life, she's the one who wears the proverbial pants (or lack of) in the bedroom. Point noted regarding Nathan asking Signum to follow him. When I port the ficlet over to my LiveJournal site, I'll take what you said into consideration and make the necessary changes. As for your Yuuno/Fate idea, I'm already planning an AU ficlet where young-upstart!Yuuno meets the lovely boss's-daughter!Fate, something along the lines of the excellent "A Year In The Merde" by Stephen Clarke.

Honulicious: Thanks for being understanding regarding my holding off on writing NanoFate stories. When I get around to bringing my ideas to life, hopefully it will be worth the wait. As for Signum's tendency to call Nanoha "That Thing", it's pretty much in jest, and not done out of actual disrespect.

Hignum: Regarding what Nathan looks like, feel free to imagine whatever you want. That said, his appearance is actually based on my real-life friend (with the same name). Strictly speaking as a straight male, I can say that the real-life Nathan (a caucasian American-Australian) looks unassuming in a handsome way, which means that quite a lot of ladies would be beating themselves up for not noticing him earlier.

Anyway, while I'm still open to suggestions as to what to write in the near future (conditions from the first chapter still applies), I would like you to choose between the following two choices for the next chapter:

**1.) Wendi and Nove being tasked to help Sette rehabilitate by posing as transfer students at Riverdale High School (in other words, an Archie cross-over)  
2.) Roger, the kangaroo from the Tekken video game series, approaching Riot Force Six for training to defend himself from his rather angry wife. **


	5. What sound does a kangaroo make anyway?

**Introductory A/N: Feel free to thank F91/00-Raiser for actually choosing this option out of the two that I presented in the previous chapter. This ficlet takes place between the finale of the JS incident and the official disbanding of Riot Force Six (in the MGLN timeline), and immediately after Roger Junior's ending in the Tekken 6 video game.**

****

Given that the characters in the later Tekken games were able to understand the animals (Kuma, Panda, Roger, Roger Junior, Roger's wife) perfectly despite said animals being incapable of human speech, I have decided to use "*****" as Roger's dialogue in this story. Basically, feel free to interpret that as whatever you can imagine the kangaroo would say, although it does help to take a look at the surrounding text.

While not connected in any way, there are several shout-outs to the Signum ficlet that I wrote a while back.

**Disclaimer: I don't own the MGLN and Tekken franchises - they are the property of 7Arcs and Namco respectively. Nathan Campbell is an OC based on my real-life friend (and the guitarist of my band), Tanner Lee is an OC based on yours truly ("Tanner" is my nickname, and "Lee" is my mother's maiden name.), and Raiser is based on the one person in the MGLN fandom that everyone seems to hate for possessing an open mind, F91.**

* * *

There were many words and phrases that could be used to describe one particular Lieutenant-Colonel Hayate Yagami, aged nineteen, and many more words and phrases that one could just simply be associated with her. To her colleagues in the Time-Space Administration Bureau, the Japanese-born Ancient Belkan mage was known for being a capable leader who kept her cool in the face of danger, and for being down-to-earth at the same time, taking the opportunity to mingle with the men and women in her unit, whatever it may be.

To the higher-ups in the TSAB, however, especially those with xenophobic tendencies, Hayate was still viewed as a criminal for her role in the last-recorded Book of Darkness incident, despite the fact that the brunette was merely a nine year-old disabled orphan at the time who simply wanted the Wolkenritter to live in peace as her guardians. Of course, there was still a small amount of grudging respect from said xenophobic higher-ups – with the restored Tome of the Night Sky, Hayate was able to unlock her magic potential while recovering from her disability and refine it, if one could use the term loosely, to the point where she was effectively a living weapon of mass destruction.

To her close circle of friends, the blue-eyed brunette was known for being a cosplay enthusiast , her rather sexual (if one paid enough attention) sense of humor, and her tendency to grope the chests of well-endowed ladies, something that could be attributed to the rumors of her being a rather desperate closeted pervert. The nature of these rumors is still unknown – that said, if one were to pay a pretty penny, a particular Subaru Nakajima would be willing to share the details.

To summarize, there are many words and phrases to describe and associate the Commanding Officer of the Riot Force Six Division with. However, while Nanoha Takamachi had earned her nickname as the White Devil, there was more to Hayate Yagami than what her seemingly innocent smile suggests – it was heavily rumored that the brunette could give the Devil a run for his money, a rumor that would be verified by a rather unfortunate visitor from Earth.

* * *

Nanoha Takamachi smiled as she ended the training session with Subaru Nakajima and Teana Lanster, the Star Forwards of the Time-Space Administration Bureau Riot Force Six division. The Jail Scaglietti incident was now but a memory, and life was slowly returning back to normal. With the official disbanding of Riot Force Six a few weeks away, Nanoha was working with Fate, Vita, and Signum to ensure that the Forwards were trained as much as possible in preparation for their future postings.

"… And that's the end for this evening's training session," the blue-eyed Ace said with a smile, "I'm really proud to call you my students, especially after holding your own in the JS Incident, and I'm sure you will all do well wherever you go after this division disbands. Now, I think the two of you have earned the rest of the evening off." Seeing the slowly-forming smiles on her students' faces, Nanoha chuckled. "Go on, what are you waiting for?"

After seeing the two jog off towards the recently-rebuilt barracks, the Ace turned to make her own way back towards her office, only to see Hayate's grinning face. "Mou, Hayate, did you have to scare me like that?"

"And exactly how did I scare you?" The commanding officer pouted with mock indignation before smiling again. "I've been watching you ever since the last five minutes of your training session with Subaru and Teana."

"I think someone's been teaching you how to be a ninja."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Nanoha," Hayate laughed, "I have not seen your family in ages, and second of all, how do you think I've been going about groping everyone from behind?"

"Ah, you've been using the ancient art of pervert-fu." The two shared a brief giggle before Nanoha spoke up. "So, I suppose you are here for a reason?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me, that is, if you are free."

Nanoha simply shrugged. "I don't really have much to do, apart from the usual paperwork. Besides, Fate is bringing Vivio, Erio, and Caro to the amusement park tonight, so dinner with her tonight is out of the question for me. What about the Wolkenritter? Surely you would have asked them? Besides, I thought Vita would be free, given that today was her day off."

Hayate had to stifle the very laughter that was threatening to escape her. "Remember Cinque, the Number with the eye patch? It turns out that she happens to have a thing for anything cute and fluffy, so both Rein and Vita are at the rehabilitation facility, spending time with her." Letting the image settle in her friend's mind, Hayate cleared her throat. "Both Signum and Shamal are on a double date with Nathan Campbell and Tanner Lee…"

"Wait a minute; they're out with THE Nathan Campbell and THE Tanner Lee, the lead and rhythm guitarists of Fon Filia, the up-and-coming melodic hard rock band that everyone has been talking about?"

"Yeah, I was pretty surprised when Signum and Shamal brought them back to the residential complex and introduced them to me. Anyway, Zafira is out spending the evening with Arf – personally, I think they're trying to re-enact a particular scene from 'The Lady And The Tramp'."

"I see," Nanoha mused. "Well, let me get changed into something a bit more casual. If we're lucky, perhaps we might be able to run into Zafira, Signum, and Shamal. Besides, it would be lovely to have a nice dinner with a friend."

* * *

_It was supposed to be a fairly peaceful evening. The patriarch of the household had just finished showing off some of his boxing skills to his young son when his wife walked into the living room with a murderous expression on her face._

__

He should have seen it coming. After all, if one's wife were to walk into the living room with photographic evidence of her husband's infidelity, even if said infidelity took place during their temporary separation, the husband was, for a lack of a better term, royally fucked.

_"Well," he thought as he was sent flying through the roof of his modest house in the middle of the Australian Outback, "at least that explained why she had her boxing gloves on."_

* * *

"That was a lovely dinner, Hayate," Nanoha exclaimed as the duo left the restaurant a few hours later, "how did you find out about the place?"

"Shamal recommended it to me. Tanner brought her here for their second date." The two walked in silence as they enjoyed the cool night sky before Hayate spoke up again. "Nanoha, I would like to thank you for going out for dinner with me. I haven't done anything like that ever since our high school days, back when we were still experimenting with each other, and it was nice to remember what it felt like, especially after a long while."

"Oh, is that so?" Nanoha raised her eyebrow as she turned to look at her friend. "Hayate, you're a beautiful woman now. Surely you would have been a couple of relationships between then and now."

"I haven't been in a relationship, let alone a proper one, ever since high school, and I definitely haven't seen any bedroom action ever since that crazy foursome with you, Fate, and Yuuno. I'm just simply content watching all those voyeur videos of you and Fate getting it on…" Hayate trailed off.

"Mou, Hayate, you don't need to worry about that. Both Fate and I were already aware of those poorly-hidden cameras that you installed in my apartment ever since we got transferred here. Why else do you think we would put on such raunchy, ah, physical expressions of love every night, and each and every time we share a bath?" With that, Nanoha embraced the short-haired brunette. "I'm sure you'll find that special someone you will want to spend the rest of your life with. But for now, why don't you join in on the action with Fate and me? She's been looking for a way to spice up our relationship for quite a while now."

"Thanks, Nanoha, I might take you up on that some time soon." Placing a chaste kiss on her friend's lips, Hayate giggled before resuming walking. "I noticed that you didn't mention Yuuno's name in that offer of yours."

"You know how much of a demon in the sack he was during that foursome we had, right?" Nanoha held back her laughter upon seeing a visible blush on Hayate's face. "There is a reason as to why we usually don't see him that often, and as to why he seems perfectly content to be a bachelor. Let's just say that it's always the brainy ones, and that Mid-Childan women dig guys who are not just good-looking, but are also intelligent."

Before Hayate could express her delight at Yuuno's good fortune, something that appeared to be a star at first glance suddenly flashed into existence before spitting out what appeared to be an animal. "Say, Nanoha, do you see something in the sky?"

"Hmmm?" Looking up at where Hayate was pointing, Nanoha frowned. "Strange, the last time I checked, Mid-Childa doesn't have any kangaroos. And why is that one up in the sky, heading down right towards…" The Aerial Combat Mage pushed her friend down onto the floor. "DUCK!"

The impact was amusingly non-existent. Instead of leaving a crater, the kangaroo, whose fur was slightly singed, simply bounced off the road to the two Aces' astonishment before finally rolling to a stop. Muttering something about having an irritating wife who did not know how to not stick her nose in other people's business, the kangaroo simply passed out, taking no notice of the slowly growing crowd.

Hayate simply shook her head at the sight. "You know, I've always wanted to know what sound a kangaroo makes. Who would have thought that it would sound like a glorified squirrel?"

* * *

An hour later, the two Aces were at the nearest police station filling out document after document after document. As military personnel, the two were obliged to cooperate with the law enforcement authorities when said cooperation was needed.

Sergeant Raiser had seen things he'd never thought he would see ever since the emergence of his own magical abilities and his being subsequently discovered by the TSAB. Like Nanoha and Hayate, Raiser was from Earth, hailing from a small Canadian town that most people would have never heard about. Despite lacking the raw power that the three Aces possessed, the Canadian was perfectly content with his B- rank, and was more than happy to use his powers to keep the peace in Cranagan City.

Looking at the now-completed paperwork, Raiser took a sip of his coffee to clear his throat. "So, let me get this straight. The two of you were out in the street, having finished dinner, when this kangaroo simply dropped out of nowhere. Being military officers, you felt obliged to report the matter to us as, and I quote, 'an unusual incident with the potential to create xenophobic tendencies towards anything related to the planet Earth,' right?" As the two Aces nodded back, the young sergeant tore up the paperwork. "My superiors are probably going to chew me out for this, but I'm just going to sweep this under the carpet. Besides, given that the two of you are from the military, you might have much better ideas as to how to deal with the scenario."

"Very well then," Hayate said as she stood up, "I thank you for taking the time to at least hear us out. We shall be on our way now with the kangaroo." A pink flash suddenly caught her attention. "Nanoha, are you sure that Raising Heart is capable of transporting a bound animal despite not being in Excelion Mode?"

[If my master believes that I can do so, then I shall attempt it,] the sentient weapon replied, much to the amusement of her mistress.

"Ne, Hayate," Nanoha called out as she made her way to the enclosure where the kangaroo was being held, "I guess I'll see you back at the base. Be sure to drive my car back safely, ok?"

"That girl is going to be the death of me," Hayate sighed as she waved the Aerial Combat Mage off. "I keep telling her to take it easy, especially after what happened during the Jail Scaglietti incident, and she still insists on going all-out, even while training her students. At least she remembered to leave her car keys with me this time around."

"You mean things like this have happened to you before?" Raiser could not help but chuckle at the thought.

"Don't get me started," the brunette mock-pouted as the sergeant continued trembling with silent laughter. "Anyway, I'd better head back as well. There's no telling what kind of trouble that kangaroo can cause when it finally wakes up. Once again, I thank you for the time, Sergeant Raiser."

"No worries, Colonel."

"You may call me Hayate, if you'd like to, Sergeant."

"In that case, it's Raiser," the Canadian smiled back in return. As the brunette made her way towards the exit, Raiser suddenly spoke out. "Oh, by the way, Hayate, you look great in that outfit of yours!" The blush that formed on the Japanese girl's face would forever remain etched in his mind.

* * *

The following morning saw a frustrated Nanoha making her way towards Hayate's office. The commanding officer knew that something was wrong when she saw her friend barge into the office, scaring Rein into hiding behind her own desk.

Before Hayate could even open her mouth, Nanoha had beaten her to the punch. "I am going to kill that kangaroo, even if it means breaking the law by using a weapon that deals physical damage!"

"Mou, Nanoha, you should know by now that if that kangaroo could survive re-entry into an atmosphere and simply bounce off a road without leaving any cracks and craters, it can't be killed easily." Watching her friend pace around the office, Hayate made a mental note to check with the imprisoned Jail Scaglietti if he had a part to play in regards to the mysterious animal. "So, tell me, what did the kangaroo do to you to make you want to kill it with outlawed weapons?"

"That… That creature," Nanoha spat the word out, "woke up just shortly after I placed it in the holding bay. I really don't know how to describe it, but the first thing that it asked for, if you can call it that, was…" The Aerial Combat Mage simply shuddered in horror and curled up on the couch in her friend's office.

"Rein", Hayate sighed, "could you call up all four of the Forwards and let them know that both Fate and Signum will be training them today? If they ask, tell them that Nanoha just experienced something that would result in her blowing up the entire base if she were to set foot on the training grounds." Upon seeing her Unison Device opening up the communications screen, the short-haired brunette made her way towards the holding bay. _What kind of monster are we dealing with over here?_

* * *

The kangaroo looked up as the door to the holding bay opened, revealing a young Japanese woman in a military uniform. _Well, this one looks a bit feistier than the one that kidnapped me and brought me here. Let's see if the good old Roger charm can turn her on._

"Greetings," Hayate said while keeping her distance from the kangaroo, "I am Lieutenant Colonel Hayate Yagami of the Time-Space Administration Bureau Riot Force Six Mobile Division. Am I right to presume that you have a name?"

**"*****."**

"Right, so your name is Roger and… Did you just call me 'sweet cheeks'?"

**"*****."**

"What? You may call it 'humaniality' from your point of view, but I'm sorry to say that from MY point of view, it's called 'bestiality', and that's something that would never turn me on!" While she remained outwardly calm, Hayate was seething with anger. _Now I know what was up with Nanoha when she stormed into my office earlier! That… That creature!_

Composing herself, Hayate turned to leave the room, but not without firing off a warning. "I will be sending one of my finest warriors to find out how you ended up in this world, and you can definitely expect to be taught a lesson or two on how to treat a woman properly."

**"*****."**

"I HEARD THAT!"

* * *

"Mistress Hayate."

"Hmmmm?" Hayate looked up from her paperwork to see a shuddering Signum standing in front of her desk. "I take that the interrogation didn't go too well?"

"On the contrary," Signum managed to ground out, "I've found more things than I would ever like to know, and was called plenty of names that are not worth repeating over here. In fact, when I threatened to bring out Laevatein in its Snake Form…" The rest was left unsaid.

"So we are dealing with a sentient kangaroo that's really, really randy to boot."

"And it's the said sexual prowess that led to this scenario in the first place." The Blaze Commander sighed as she struggled to filter out the filth from the important information that she was able to obtain from the marsupial. "Roger is a genetically-engineered kangaroo from an alternate universe version of Earth, and was bred to fight in a particular fighting tournament. Prior to the fifth edition of the tournament, he arranged to have himself kidnapped so that he could, of all the far-fetched reasons in the world, watch television without worrying about the stress that comes with married life."

Hayate blinked. "That's… That's pretty twisted."

"And that's not all. During the fifth tournament, Roger's wife and son, both of them being kangaroos as well, were looking for him, only to find him living in comfort and bliss. Needless to say, Roger was divorced from his wife. The two of them got back together shortly, but that fell apart when it was revealed that Roger was being unfaithful with a harem of female kangaroos, leading to his being literally being punched out of the world."

"And thus, it was by his luck he managed to end up here," the brunette sighed as she opened her desk drawer, reaching for some aspirin pills to kill off the headache that was threatening to take her by storm. "At least Jail Scaglietti did not have anything to do with this incident. Well, I think I know what we need to do to ensure that the kangaroo will never, ever bother us again."

"I see. I'm pretty surprised that you seem to be taking this calmly. After all, to most people, being able to understand a kangaroo that isn't even capable of human speech is seen as a sign of insanity."

Hayate chortled at the thought of being insane. "Signum, I was only nine when you and the rest of the Wolkenritter materialized in my bedroom. Sure, I did faint in shock for a while, but I also accepted the situation once I was checked out of the hospital. I'd say that that's a sign of my ability to remain sane throughout the most improbable and zany events that I would ever find myself in."

"Right," Signum shared a brief chuckle with her mistress. "I was wondering if I could…"

"If you could take the day off? Don't bother – I'm giving you the rest of the week off. Go spend some time with Nathan to clear all thoughts of randy kangaroos from your mind, ok?" The brunette had a wolfish grin on her face. "When you get back, I want to hear all the nasty bedroom details."

"Ah, right. Very well then, thank you, mistress."

"Mou, Signum," Hayate pouted with mock-exasperation, "you know that you don't need to call me by that anymore!" Watching the pink-haired knight leave the office, the brunette's face suddenly took on an expression of horror. "WAIT! If you see Nanoha, could you make sure that she doesn't let Vivio go near the holding bay?"

* * *

Roger looked up as Hayate entered the holding bay.

**"*****?"**

"Save your breath," Hayate said as she headed towards the kangaroo. "I'm going to cut you a deal."

**"*****?"**

"We are going to give you some lessons in self-defense so that you can protect yourself from your wife once we have sent you back to your own universe. In return, I do not want you to make any snide or sexual remarks towards all the women on the base. If you refuse to comply, let's just say that my office could use a kangaroo skin carpet."

**"*****!"**

"Oh, I'm definitely serious about that, buster!"

**"*****."**

"Normally, I'd be interested in knowing more about this blue-eyed blonde beauty," Hayate said on her way out, "but I don't have the time to deal with you, given that this unit will be disbanding shortly, and that I've got plenty of paperwork to do."

**"*****!"**

"DON'T THINK I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU JUST SAID!"

* * *

The following morning, Subaru, Teana, Erio, and Caro were greeted by the unusual sight of a kangaroo being harassed by an increasingly pissed-off Vita. Not wanting to know why there was even an earthen animal on Mid-Childa in the first place, the four Forwards stood at attention, waiting for their training session to start.

"OY! MAGGOTS!" The Forwards visibly winced as one. While Vita was usually a gruff instructor, the pint-sized Iron Knight was never this angry during training. "Set up your barrier jackets now - Hayate has requested that this kangaroo is to be taught self-defense, and I'd say that the first thing you need to know to defend yourself is to avoid getting hit in the first place!"

It was Caro who sealed Roger's fate for the training session. "Sub-commander Vita, what did the kangaroo do to make you this angry?"

Before Vita could even respond, Roger had already opened his mouth.

**"*****."**

To say that the Forwards were furious with rage was an understatement, nay, a major understatement. Taking offense at the kangaroo's rather sexual slur towards the support mage, Subaru, Teana, and Erio unleashed the full powers of Mach Caliber, Cross Mirage, and Strada respectively, with a visibly-blushing Caro using Keykerion to increase the output of her comrades' devices. Unfortunately for Roger, Nanoha had not forgotten about his advances towards her, and had dragged Fate along with her to the training field.

* * *

Looking up from her workspace, Rein saw that the training field was currently home to a spectacular light show, complete with explosions that seemed too real for comfort. The adorable Unison Device was too caught up in wondering how intense the session was to the point where she failed to notice her mistress chuckling to herself.

"Stage one, complete."

* * *

Zafira looked down at the still-smoldering kangaroo and smirked.

"Well, it's Roger, right?" Seeing the kangaroo weakly nod its head, the Guardian Beast grinned toothily. "I see that you have failed the first portion of your rather specialized training session, but it really doesn't matter to me. You see, in the middle of battle, even if you are tired to the point of utter exhaustion, you still need to defend yourself so that you can retreat successfully to recover."

**"*****!"**

The grin on Zafira's face grew even wider. "I certainly do not swing that way, but I would like to know what you would say if you saw a picture of my girlfriend." With that, a display screen flashed into existence, showing a rather scantily-clad Arf.

**"*****."**

With that, the grin dropped completely from the Guardian Beast's face, leaving nothing but a rather feral expression.

"Remember, you asked for this," Zafira growled as he shifted into his wolf form. "DIE!"

* * *

Making her way towards the cafeteria, Hayate paused in mid-step as she could hear the faint sound of Roger crying out for help in pain. The urge to step in and prevent Zafira from being the first to do lasting damage on the kangaroo never materialized, however, and the brunette simply continued towards her destination.

"Stage two, complete."

* * *

Yuuno scratched his head in mild surprise as he saw a badly-bruised, yet miraculously intact kangaroo hobbling towards him. The librarian had been out on a date with his latest girlfriend, a rather leggy blonde, and was showing her around the Riot Force Six military complex, thanks to Hayate pulling some strings.

"My goodness, is that a kangaroo?"

"Oh, Yuuno darling, what is a kangaroo?"

"A kangaroo is a mammal from the planet Earth, which is where the Flight Instructor and the Commanding Officer of this Division are from. It is a marsupial animal, which means that the female of the species has a pouch which it uses to carry its younglings, which happens to be the joey in the case of the kangaroo. That said, I do wonder why there would even be a kangaroo on Mid-Childa in the first place."

"This one looks as though it is in bad shape," the blonde said as she approached the injured animal, "should we go and bring it to the nearest vet?"

**"*****!"**

The blonde immediately recoiled in horror. "What did you just say?"

**"*****!"**

Before the blonde could use her stilettos to inflict pain on the still-highly-randy marsupial, Yuuno had already summoned several Mid-Childan magic circles, each one firing off several binding chains to suspend the perverted animal in mid-air.

"You know," the librarian growled out as he stepped forward, placing his glasses into his jacket's interior pocket, "I really was tempted to have you treated for all your injuries, but now that I know how much of a jerk you are towards the fairer sex, I'd say that a bit more pain is in order for you."

**"*****?"**

"What am I going to do about it?" Yuuno threw his head back as he let loose a loud laugh. Regaining his composure, the librarian looked into the marsupial's eyes, silently promising a highly-humiliating punishment. "I'm going to do this," he whispered, just before he assumed his ferret form.

"FERRET BUSTER!!!"

* * *

As Hayate prepared to turn her office lights off for the night, a small twinkle in the night sky suddenly caught her attention from outside the window, flashing into existence for a brief second before disappearing.

_Well,_ the brunette thought to herself as she locked her office up, _I guess that means Roger must have come across Yuuno and his date, just as I planned. It's a pity that I actually had a bit of fun trying to teach that kangaroo a lesson because I'm now bored out of my mind._ Remembering the fairly good-looking sergeant who was kind enough to help out at the very start of the kangaroo's misadventure, the brunette contemplated calling the Cranagan City police station to ask for his number. _Why not,_ she sighed as she called up a communications screen, _after all, we only live once. Besides, Rein has her own plans for tonight, and I've got nothing to do._

To her relief, Raiser did respond to the call. "Ah, Hayate, I didn't expect you to call. Is there a problem?"

"Oh, no, not at all," the brunette stammered, "we've already dealt with the kangaroo, and there aren't any problems that are bothering me right now."

"Very well then," Raiser smiled over the communications screen, "if you need any help, feel free to contact the station."

"There is one thing, though… I was wondering if you wanted to catch up over a cup of coffee." The blush on Hayate's face was now a deep shade of red. "Of course, if you're free, that is, but if you're not…"

"That would be lovely," the Canadian responded, "my shift ends in an hour's time, so if you can meet me in front of the police station by then, sure, I'll be glad to have coffee with you."

"Right then… So, I guess I'll see you then." As the communication screen closed, Hayate finally let go of the breath she had been holding. _That wasn't so bad. Not that I'll immediately end up in a relationship with him straight away, but if all goes well, at least I can relate with Nanoha, Fate, Yuuno, Signum, Shamal, and Zafira as to what it is like to be in a relationship._ With a new bounce in her step, the brunette made her way for the exit. _I wonder whatever happened to Roger…_

* * *

_Roger did not know how it happened, but he found himself in the backyard of his house in the Australian Outback after being sent through the air via the ferret-changeling's aptly-named "Ferret Buster" attack. Picking himself gingerly off the ground, the kangaroo turned to see his wife with an apologetic look on her face. Unfortunately, as a result of being completely beaten to a pulp by a group of people who were violently opposed against his rather perverted playboy lifestyle, the genetically-engineered marsupial simply snapped and hopped off into the distance as far as possible, muttering something about living out the rest of his unnatural life as a celibate monk._

* * *

  
**More A/N: There are several relationships scattered throughout the story, so I'll just list them - Signum/Nathan (OC), Shamal/Tanner (OC), Zafira/Arf, Nanoha/Fate/Hayate/Yuuno (high school experimentation, approximately 3-4 years prior to StrikerS), open NanoFate (current), potential Hayate/Raiser (OC).**

Coming up next: Nanoha and Fate are both sick and tired of the majority of the MGLN fandom automatically shipping them together simply because of a few minutes of chemistry that took place while they were nine, and break the fourth wall to enlist the aid of every otaku's worst nightmare, the good-looking/open-minded/sensible non-anime fan who has more things to worry about than shipping wars in the anime fandom, to sort out the problem. This will be a NanoFate story with a happy ending (for the couple), but as a compromise, I will be humiliating and destroying the reputations of anyone and everyone with the tendency to bash authors who like to ship Nanoha and Fate with other characters. No-one's safe.


	6. Do A Barrel Roll!

**_Introductory A/N:_ Here's a little something that I whipped up after watching the "Star Fox In Iraq" College Humor video clip. That aside, you might want to scroll down to the bottom for the real A/N, after you've read the entire thing, of course.**

**_Disclaimers:_ I don't own the MGLN franchise - 7Arcs does. The Star Fox characters appearing in this ficlet (Peppy, Slippy, Falco, General Pepper, Bill, Wolf O'Donnell, Pigma, and Andrew) belong to Nintendo. And last, but not least, the whole "Star Fox In Iraq" idea belongs to the guys behind the mostly-brilliant College Humor series (a bit cheesed off about the "Learn How To Play Guitar To Get Laid" videos, but that's another story).  
**

* * *

To say that Nanoha Takamachi was pissed-off was a major understatement. Her first magical friend, the current Head Librarian Yuuno Scrya, had just barely escaped from a terrorist plot that was designed to kill him for the sole purpose of eliminating, in the eyes of the perpetrators, any obstacles between the Aerial Combat Mage and one particular Agent Fate Testarossa Harlaown. The following investigations had traced the attacks to a separatist region that was simply known as Marukia, which was formed and named after a rabid self-proclaimed "NanoFate" fan-boy who felt betrayed when both Nanoha and Fate proclaimed that they were simply not looking for a romantic relationship with each other in the foreseeable future despite having gone beyond from being best friends to being 'friends with benefits'.

As such, a thoroughly pissed-off Nanoha was currently flying at full speed towards a suspected Marukian terrorist training camp with the intention of reducing the place into mere atoms.

"This is Captain Nanoha Takamachi, requesting permission to use Raising Heart to bomb the stuffing out of the Marukian terrorist hideout twenty kilometers south of the main Marukian administration capital."

"Captain, you have full permission to unleash your Excellion Blaster Three's full payload," Hayate replied over the communications screen. "While the destruction of a group of people is morally and legally wrong, these separatists lost the right to being treated as humans the very minute they nearly killed thousands of people just to get rid of the one person who introduced you to magic."

"Don't remind me," Nanoha shot back, "I am approaching the target in Blaster Two mode with Blaster Three completely prepared for immediate activation. The Wolkenritter are currently standing by with the option to step in for added effect."

"DO A BARREL ROLL!"

Nanoha could only blink. "I'm sorry, I don't copy."

"DO A BARREL ROLL!"

"What the…?" Confused as to where the voice was coming from, the Ace started scanning the immediate air space around her, her eyes landing on a futuristic jet fighter that was being piloted by what appeared to be a human-sized anthropomorphic rabbit. "This is Aerial Combat Mage Captain Nanoha Takamachi of the Time-Space Administration Bureau. Please identify yourself!"

"This is Peppy. All systems go."

Nanoha shook her head as she looked back at her communications screen." Long Arch? This is Captain Nanoha Takamachi. Do you have a visual on a 'Peppy'? If so, I would to like to request for permission to fire."

"What's the big idea, Fox?" There was a sense of outrage in the rabbit's voice.

The Ace groaned. "Wait a minute, that's not my name at all!"

Before Nanoha could continue her rant towards Peppy, another communications screen flashed into existence, revealing an anthropomorphic hound dog dressed in a military outfit. "It's about time you showed up, Fox! You're the only hope for our world!"

"Okay, I think there has been a misunderstanding." The Ace could already feel a huge headache onset upon her. "First of all, my name is NOT Fox. Secondly, I'm on an Administration Bureau Air Force directive to destroy a group of terrorists that would do just about anything to force me and my best friend into a romantic relationship…"

"Take care of the guy behind me, Fox!"

"Jeez! Didn't you hear me a few seconds ago?" Nanoha looked behind and saw that the rabbit's jet was being chased by a group of alien-looking jets. "Pffft… Alright, hold on." A small orb of magical energy materialized. "DIVINE SHOOTER!"

"Hey Einstein, I'm on your side!"

Once again, Nanoha found herself blinking in confusion as yet another jet, one of a similar design to Peppy's flew out from the debris of the destroyed pursuers, only that this time around, the jet was piloted by an anthropomorphic falcon. "You are?!? Who are you?"

"Don't worry, Slippy's here!" A third jet, piloted by a frog, suddenly zipped past.

The Ace breathed a sigh of relief. "Good! You can lead your squad mates out of this air space immediately."

"Whoah! Help me!"

Said sigh of relief immediately turned into one of exasperation. "Now you're in trouble?"

"Arrrrrrrrrrrgh! I'm hit!"

"Quit slipping around, Slippy!" Peppy's jet zipped forward to support the floundering frog.

As this was happening, Nanoha could only shake her head, which was the only thing she found herself capable of doing during the past few minutes. "How are you all such terrible pilots?"

"Something's wrong with the G-Diffuser!" Sure enough, the falcon's jet was flying somewhat erratically.

The Ace rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not that because it doesn't exist."

"Gee! I've been saved by Fox… How swell." There was no mistaking the sarcasm in the falcon's voice.

"Hey! Two things to tell you buddy!" Nanoha found herself even more pissed-off than she was prior to Peppy's sudden appearance. "First of all, I'm not Fox, and second of all, fuck you!"

"DO A BARREL ROLL!"

Silence reigned in the air for ten seconds before Nanoha looked back at the main communications screen that was connected to a bemused Hayate over at Long Arch. "Long Arch, I'm approaching the target. I will be switching over to Blaster Three in less than a minute. To anyone who happens to be flying in military aircraft, please avoid interference."

"Aim for the open spot," Peppy suddenly shouted out.

"Okay, it's not that easy. I need to concentrate."

"Destroy the exhaust pipes!"

_Damnit, why won't this rabbit shut up? _"You don't even know what you're saying!"

"Shoot the tentacles to open the core!"

The Ace was mere moments away from showing why she was known as The White Devil. "THAT'S NOT A THING! THAT'S NOT EVEN A THING!!!"

"Try a somersault!"

Nanoha was caressing the handle of Raising Heart's staff mode like how a trigger-happy person would caress a gun. "WHY?!? FOR WHAT POSSIBLE REASON?"

A fourth jet, one that was piloted by a grey dog, suddenly flew up alongside the Ace. "The hatches are open!"

"There. Are. No. HATCHES! I need quiet!"

"Hey," the dog retorted, "see if I help YOU again!"

"Are you some sort of geek dog or…"

"Whoah! Help me!" The frog's jet had apparently caught fire as a result of being hit by hidden enemy fighters.

"JESUS!" Nanoha was reaching her boiling point. "DIVINE SHOOTER!"

"Thanks, Fox! I thought they had me!"

Nanoha's hands were gripping Raising Heart really tightly, eliciting a protest from the sentient device. "I thought I said my name is not and will never be…"

"Whoah! Help me!"

The Ace groaned. "I'm shutting down communications."

"I can't let you do that, Star Fox." A trio of enemy jets appeared in formation in front of The White Devil, the leading jet being piloted by an eyepatch-wearing wolf.

"ARGH! I AM NOT STAR BLOODY FOX! AND WHO ARE YOU?!?" Nanoha was contemplating going on an anti-animal rampage that would have PETA screaming for her blood.

"Daddy screamed reeeeeaaaaaaal good before he died!"

_Is that a pig? It definitely squealed like one._ "My father? He was critically injured when I was a little kid, but he's now running a successful café in my home town on Earth!"

"COCKY LITTLE FREAKS!" An ape-like creature could not help but join in.

That was the proverbial straw that broke The White Devil's back as she held out Raising Heart, preparing to fire off a Divine Buster. "You know what? Fuck all of you! I'm gonna bomb me the shit out of some Marukians."

"Use bombs wisely!"

The last comment from Peppy caught Nanoha completely off-guard. "I'm sorry?"

"Use bombs wisely!"

"My God," the Ace muttered as she finally calmed down from the verbal nonsense she had just put up with. "You're right. I'm just perpetuating the cycle of violence towards a politically- and ideologically-volatile region. We need to focus more on diplomatic efforts and education, rather than relying on brute force for short-term results."

Silence reigned once more as the pilots of the surrounding jets reflected on Nanoha's short, but well-delivered epiphany.

"On the other hand, though..."

The Marukians never saw it coming.

* * *

_**Additional A/N:**_** Ahem... The Marukians are a not-so-subtle dig towards Maruko, who dared to use RadiantBeam's ViCia stories to unnecessarily bash F91. That said, I would like to point out a review that I posted in response to chapter ten of Nanya's "Nanoha Omake Files".  
**  
"_And before any of the NanoFate purists out there start bashing this chapter, let me ask you something: not counting the seiyu for Nanoha and Fate, has it been stated outright (as in, directly from the producer's mouth) that the two are in a canon romantic relationship? The A's and StrikerS 4komas don't count because Nanoha was completely oblivious to Fate's overtures, and the movie is considered AU by the characters from the mainstream timeline. If you can't find any legit proof, you might as well as apologise to F91, who has apologised for the snafu he committed._"

**If you don't like Nanoha or Fate paired up with any other people, it's fine by me. But to actively bash any so-called non-standard pairings, ie Nanoha/Yuuno, Fate/Yuuno etc etc etc, and to constantly preach that the two are lesbians in canon WITHOUT proof, that's a bit too far in my opinion, and the majority of the anonymous reviewers who have been making their mark in this fandom are guilty of that. You want to say that a romantic NanoFate relationship is canon? Prove it. Give me solid, legitimate evidence directly from the director and the producers. If not, it's not just F91 you owe an apology to - the list is pretty long (pretty much anyone who ships Nanoha and Fate with other characters), but it does include the moderate NanoFate fans who are tainted with the negative reputation that the purists bring.**

**As a gesture of goodwill towards the general NanoFate community, my next ficlet in the "Load Cartridge" collection will be an AU NanoFate story. That said, it is for the moderates, and not for the likes of bastards such as Maruko and Zeto.  
**

* * *

**Omake (based on the actual ending of "Star Fox In Iraq"): **

"My God," the Ace muttered as she finally calmed down from the verbal nonsense she had just put up with. "You're right. I'm just perpetuating the cycle of violence towards a politically- and ideologically-volatile region. We need to focus more on diplomatic efforts and education, rather than relying on brute force for short-term results. Peppy, you've shown me how blind I've been. Is there anything I can do to thank you?"

The ensuing silence lasted a good ten seconds.

"DO A BARREL ROLL!"

Nanoha saluted at once. "Yes Sir!"

Hayate could only watch through the communications screen as her friend did a barrel roll and exploded.


End file.
